Brewtown Newtown, Newtown (14 December 2015)

Wednesday, December 16, 2015

12 hours separation between croissants for breakfast and doughnuts for dessert - this is the norm. Brewtown Newtown disrupts conventional meal plans through a clever cross-breed of the two. The Cronut.

Despairing competition return fire with bruffins (brioche + muffin) and even doughnut milkshakes. BN is one-step ahead and now we have the cruffin (croissant + muffin). A beautiful abomination.

Well, it's a calorie bloodbath and liposuction practitioners are rejoicing.

Back in brunch world, BN is on the offensive. Everything is 'on-trend' and my food vocab is expanding as fast as the waistline - black sausage, gravlax, gazpacho, shoulder's of farm animals.

Two mains are shot out in 15 min and the table resembles a see-saw. Large kid LHS (pork) and a malnourished kid RHS (salad).

Round 1.

Chilli pork shoulder hash with fennel, peas, poached egg and toast - $17

Lots of pork is hidden. This pig clearly had self-esteem issues because he was one, overfed beast with a sky high BMI. What you want is a fatty protein rendered down into a gooey, succulent mess. Slather this with yolk and it's a fail safe combo.

Perhaps the fennel is overcooked and the potato too soggy. I revert back to this for comfort - don't order a pork knuckle at the pub then complain about the side salad.

Calorie counters may criticise the heaviness of a mount of fatty pork. For me, I can't count over 1,000 and in any case, under $20 for a food coma is good value. Not pretty but neither was the hog. 8/10.

Onto the salad, where wisdom tells me to add chicken and poached egg.

Superfood Salad with Poached Chicken and Poached Egg - $16 + $3 + $4

Way too much going on and I'm not distracted by citrus slithers nor leaves.

It's all about the chicken and pumpkin show and this is one show that must not go on. Feels like shredded chicken and the pumpkin is missing the fresh-of-the-oven sensation.

Poached egg is always good, but note the $4 price tag for a non-biodynamic egg.

Over $20 for unnecessary complexity in a standard salad. 6/10.

Two dishes give a blended score of 7. Can the cronut or cruffin save BN from shame status? I'm risk averse and choose cinnamon cronut.

French plus American marriages do not work - too sweet. Scraps go to the wife. I say 5/10, she scores 8. Whenever is the wife right?

Small sample set but the food is well off recommended status.

- Food - 7/10 - theoretical innovation, dishes seem hit-and-miss.
- Value - 7/10 - $4 for a lonesome poached egg. What more is there to say.
- Other - 6/10 - fast turnaround on a weekday, but the weekend wait is ridiculous.
- Overall - 7/10 - innovation for it's own sake. Not your ever day joint.

Food bucket list -1, cafe go-to-list unchanged (at 3), blacklist of friends with a bad recommendation +1.

Will I be returning?
Eyes on the Black Sausage. Once you go black, you can't go back.

Brewtown Newtown Menu, Reviews, Photos, Location and Info - Zomato

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