Cuckoo Callay, Newton (15 March 2015)

Sunday, March 15, 2015

Cuckoo Callay has an enchanting bacon selection. Like a bawling toddler locked in the car park, 'normal' items are an afterthought best forgotten.

Cuckoo Callay, near Newton station
Wind the clock back one day ... 4 hours, 45km running up a 1.6km vertical ascent in my maiden Six Foot Track marathon. Delayed hunger was rearing its nasty head 24 hours later.

I love the pink pig with balloon-like proportions on the menu. Enough to scare any vegetarian away. Probably highly arousing for everyone else (including Lorie).
Cuckoo Callay - 12 week Bacon Festival
If the $20-odd prices are an eye-sore, then add gimmicky dish names and you've got menu conjunctivitis.

Cinderella's Breakfast is one of few interesting yet healthy choices. In the waitresses words - 'our dishes are very large'.

Cinderella's Breakfast - pumpkin fritters, house cured salmon, poached egg, basil pesto and tomato - $18
Though I expected a certain fritter-crispiness, the pumpkin was beautifully silky. What a shame it was so unseasoned. Salmon was strangely tough but yummy and I enjoyed the pesto. Let's be honest, the suspense of a poached egg lies in the magical moment that follows ...

Bursting yolk on top the pumpkin fritter
Any such pros were railroaded by the miserable portion size. Appreciate times are tough, but that's no excuse for rationing a single cherry tomato with the neighbouring table.

The biggest culinary tragedy is when the fork and stomach violently disagree. With an empty plate and no food to stab, my stomach was one unhappy customer.

Dish 2 is #Hashtag Browns 3.0. Try reconciling that name to fried croquettes with an egg, half an avocado and two rashes of bacon.

#Hashtag Browns 3.0 - Basil and cheese croquettes, poached egg, pea puree, avocado and bacon
Croquettes were the unremarkable highlight. Satisfaction of a cheesy 'crunch' is similar to an arancini ball. The avocado and pea puree was creamy but added little flavour-wise.

How do you distinguish between 'Black Forest Smokehouse' and supermarket bacon? (i) price, and (ii) word count. I don't understand the hype.

Best element of the dish? The croquette
The waitress was desperate to please as I paid. Puppy dog eyes plus a confession that I was still hungry worked a charm. It was now the reverse of me feeding a crippled dog on the streets of Cambodia 5 years ago. In a moment of sincere pity, she awarded me choc-covered crispy bacon. 

Choc-covered crispy bacon
You'd think chocolate and fried bacon is a water-tight marriage of obesity. It was hard to overcome the damp cardboard-like texture suggesting day-old product. Shame shame shame.

Cuckoo Callary interior
Today's takeaway - the 12 week Bacon Festival is indeed a guise for an overpriced, gimmicky cafe that plays to an unsuspecting crowd.

Score summary below:
- Food - 6/10 - well dressed chefs, fancy kitchen but no skills with a salt and pepper shaker?
- Value - 4/10 - terribly small portions not reconciling with $20 mains
- Other - 9/10 - loved the pig, waitress absolutely faultless in her efforts.
- Overall - 5/10 - if it wasn't for the free choc-covered bacon, I'd be in tears.  

Conclusion -  you really need to LOVE bacon to even consider coming here.

Would I return?
Definitely not. 

Cuckoo Callay on Urbanspoon

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2 comments

  1. Hi Mike
    It is a shame to see you were disappointed with the food at the cafe. We are in the middle of a bacon festival so we have a bacon themed menu running at the moment, hence the lack of healthy options! Unfortunately with very limited kitchen space we had to cut our regular menu down in order to offer the bacon menu in addition. To address your points though, we only have one dish over $20, everything else ranges from $6 - $20. We keep our prices as low as possible but we do have to charge a premium for only offering free range meat, this is the price we must pay to encourage sustainably reared animals. The average price of a breakfast on our regular menu is $16 (not counting toast). We often ask for feedback from customers and always try and take on board what they say. We generally get great feedback on our portion sizes and in fact the blog post right before yours ordered the same dish and said it was enough for two! I guess all that running made you extra hungry, but every person is different and we try to satisfy as many as possible. And regarding your last point, I would have to agree, customers must have a real love for bacon to attend our bacon festival, but right after that we'll go back to being a normal cafe, with regular healthy options and very reasonable prices. I hope you are able to visit us again at this time.

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    Replies
    1. Thanks for the follow-up....nice to see a cafe that cares about it's customers.

      Will return for the non-bacon menu post festival but this time would hope not to go home hungry!

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